Moving house with goldfish… again!

Today, my goldfish moved house again. If there’s one thing I can say for tubs over tanks it is that they are a hell of a lot easier to move!

The two goldfish, Lotus and Zhi-Zhi were put in a 15 litre tub which was filled about two thirds of capacity and the lid was sealed to keep the water in as we travelled to the new place. This kept air available for oxygenation, but they were only in the tub for about half an hour as we were only going to the next town. The tub was emptied save a little bit of moisture to keep the filter and the decorations damp and I kept the bucket and jug on hand, along with the Seachem Prime and Seachem Safe. I also remembered to take the food which was something of a miracle! All of their medications had gone on ahead of them but I knew moving them was going to be a big job.

At the other end, we set up the tub on top of a plastic sheet to protect the carpet and filled the tank from the outside garden hose. It was a lot easier than with buckets! My only concern is the temperature of the water as it is very cold. Even then, the conservatory can get a little chilly. They had, however, come from a very warm room and it took a long time to get them to acclimatise to the new temperature. I was pouring water from their small tub into the larger tub and back again to slowly change the water temperature and chemistry.

I haven’t moved with them yet. I’m still at uni trying to get finished on my course. It is unbelievable how amazing my boyfriend and his family have been. They are taking me in for a few weeks so I can try and establish here, get a job and get somewhere to live. My boyfriend’s living arrangement are an interesting one but his parents are rarely home and they’re lovely people. The point is, they’re taking care of me and I am eternally grateful for all their support right now. I didn’t realise there was boyfriends like this. I have the occasional moment of realisation that if there was a list he would tick every box and that scares me a little, but all is good. We’re going to have a weekend away in London in a couple of weeks, which will be fun. Moving in together (however temporarily) and a mini-break?! That and we spent Christmas together with his family?! I’m growing up!

I’m hoping my fish are happy in their new temporary home. It’s probably a good thing that I can’t see them to fret about them. I worry especially for Lotus who hates water changes at the best of times but with her dropsy, I worry about the stress of moving. Fingers crossed for her! Fingers crossed for all of us! It’s going to be interesting living with two fish, a hamster, two cats and a boyfriend!

More Bodhi and fluke updates

Bodhi is definitely settling in nicely! He’s quite the happy chappy! He now seems very much at home with his new family and is quite social with the others. His confidence grows daily and I even managed a goodnight ‘kiss’ the night before last! He is making lots of eye contact and even seems to be watching me.

He’s got quite a clever system at feeding time. Unlike the others who will fight to get to the gel food cube in my fingers (at least until it has defrosted enough to not float), Bodhi will hold back and pick up the crumbs which float about. Aggy will sometimes manage to get a mouthful in the melee but generally seems to go for the crumbs. This may seem like she isn’t getting her fair share, but given how much the others seem to spit out, she does get well fed. I think Bodhi must be learning from her!

As for the flukes, there is definitely more activity in the tank. In warmer weather, I’d expect more action but it can reach a point where it gets too much for the fish. It has been incredibly warm in my room and I still worry that this will be having a detrimental impact on my fish. If this weather keeps up, I may be tempted to find ways to cool the tank down. As it stands, though, there is definitely less lethargy.

We’re on day eight of the ten day treatment and I’m really not comfortable with holding off on a water change for another four days. I have a treatment to add today and another in two days but I’ve to wait for two days after that before a water change. I keep adding extra Prime but this can’t be good for my fish.

Dharma is still floaty and this continues to worry me. If flukes were the issue, it has been so long-standing that it would have killed him by now and the damage will be irreversible. I cannot help but think that this really is genetic. On the whole, he seems very happy and isn’t unduly affected by his floatiness. He’s finally discovered the overturned pots and has taken to resting/sleeping in there now. I’m quite happy about this as it keeps him more stable in the current of water and allows him to rest a little more. I am tempted to try him in some swim-bladder medication in a couple of weeks after the fluke meds have settled, but I really think this is genetic and not fixable. I really wish it was but he’s doing OK and still seems happy.

Actually, his ‘cod-father’, my friend Ed, visited briefly yesterday and exclaimed how big he had gotten. He really is a monster these days! Such a massive fish in comparison to when I got him! All my fish are growing so beautifully!

As for everyone else, Aggy still rests quite a bit but is a lot more active than she was. Bankei is definitely more active, and Lotus spends a lot of time at one end of the tank. They are all, nevertheless, a lot more active.

I’m glad I’ve done the fluke treatment. It is one of those things that should be done and I never had. I never spotted any symptoms before so didn’t think it was worth doing. It was worth doing. It is always worth doing. I was wrong.

Seachem Prime Review – price and quality comparison

N.B. I have not received any reward from any of the companies mentioned herein. This is an honest price comparison and review of the products.

I recently bought a bottle of Seachem Prime. I had heard fantastic things about it and wanted to give it a go. Immediately, I noticed a difference, if only in the amount of water conditioner I use!

Water conditioner is important for any fish, because there are chlorine and chloramine in most tap water. These are very nasty chemicals for fish, even in the comparatively small amounts they are in – at least compared to a swimming pool. Unless you can leave the water out for at least 24 hours before a water change (think of the number of buckets you would need), water conditioner is the safest way to go.

That said, it was quite an expensive outlay at £19.99 when other bottles of similar products which remove these chemicals are MUCH cheaper, or at least they appear to be cheaper. There is a very good reason for that! They tend to be a lot weaker in strength so require you to use more, and they don’t act on ammonia, nitrites and nitrates!

So – for the comparisons!

I should make a clarification here.The top Seachem Safe is for if you are treating ammonia. The bottom Seachem Safe is if you are not. Ammonia can be present in your water from the tap. The easiest way to find this out is to either take a sample to your local pet store, or buy a testing kit yourself. Moreover, Seachem also removes ammonia from the water for up to 24 hours. This is the coolest thing in the world as it can help you avoid massive bumps in your cycle.

Moreover, all prices are from Amazon UK and are correct at the time of posting.

Seachem Safe certainly comes out on top price wise!

There are plenty of advantages to this product over others. Firstly, it can help detoxify the nitrite and nitrate in the tank. This does not mean that you can reduce water changes. Just because we don’t know that there are other nasties in there, doesn’t mean they aren’t there. There example, these is some discussion about fishy growth hormones being present in the water although some dispute this. Should you go away on holiday for a week or so, a kind-hearted friend or neighbour could easily pop a little (pre-measured) Safe or a cap of Prime into your tank, just to help your cycle. With reduced feedings and the addition of Prime/Safe, you can be more assured of the health of your fish.

The difficulty is that how on earth are you going to measure 0.1 of a gram? Seachem do have a digital spoon for the purpose but the cheapest I could find on Amazon was £50. There is the alternative of a cheap digital kitchen scales which go up in increments of 0.1g which costs significantly less. You may, however, feel like you should be called Heisenberg!

Another disadvantage is that the stuff stinks! Prime certainly does although I can’t speak for Safe as I haven’t used it yet. It smells really badly of sulphur but, frankly, the benefits far outweigh the cost.

I’m currently using my Seachem Prime but I will be going onto Seachem Safe when I finish this bottle. I should also probably use up my Tetra AquaSafe too! Stupid false economy! As with most things, a decent outlay financially looks scary but certainly pays off in the long-run.

Fasting and flukes

Well the past week has been a strange mix! For a couple of weeks, I’ve noticed some unusual behaviour in my fish. Aggy, in particular was spending a lot of her time in a corner, at the bottom of the tank. Bankei and Lotus were too, but a bit more active. Dharma was pretty lethargic and seemed a bit floaty. Jampa and Zhi-Zhi seemed ok, but more than half my tank weren’t behaving like normal.

There’s a few things I could put this down to. It is getting very warm in my bedroom and the change in temperature may be having an effect. Given the size of the tank, I wouldn’t have expected that much effect though. Another thing is that in throwing out my sleeping pattern, I may have thrown out their’s. I had to pull an all-nighter this week to get some work finished, and I’d already had a couple of very late nights. Add this into the longer days, and they’re probably as exhausted as I am. At least they didn’t manage to eat half a tub of ice-cream on the stairs because they needed the sugar boost just to get back up the stairs! All-nighters used to be a lot easier! When did I get so old?!

Given I’ve seen a few damaged fins, another logical cause would be flukes. It would make sense if Bankei brought them into the tank with him. I wasn’t sure if his gills were a pinky colour because that was his colouration or not but it could be that he’s brought the little parasites in with him. This is my fault as I should have quarantined him for longer. That said, if I’d kept him in the small tank, he’d be far too warm and displaying similar behaviour.

I did a bit of research and came up with this. It sounds about right:

• Split fins – check
• Clamped fins – hmmm maybe
• Disinterest in food – definitely not
• Less activity than normal -most definitely
• A goldfish isolating itself from the others -definitely
• A goldfish rubbing or scratching itself against tank furniture, which is known as “flashing” – possibly

If nothing else, I decided to treat for flukes because I never have. It’s one of those things that you should do, but I never have because I never really needed to.

It may seem strange to at Bodhi at this point but to me, I’m already treating my tank so let’s treat him too.

I went to my preferred fish shop the other day for some medicine and advice. They’re trying to beat internet prices and I really want to support them. That said, their advice wasn’t great. Apparently, I should only be doing a 25% water change weekly on my overstocked tank. They mistook my mention of Seachem Prime with Tetra Prima pellets etc. I don’t know how good this ‘Waterlife’ brand of fluke treatment is, but at least I feel like I’m doing something. Fingers crossed they get well soon!

I’m now on the third day of treatment and, with the exception of Aggy, everyone is looking a bit more pepped up. I don’t know if she’s bored, lonely, or what. I just want them all to be happy and healthy!

I’ve also been fasting my fish a little more than usual. In no small part, this is because I’ve been so crazily busy that I haven’t had the time to keep looking at them begging in their tank. It’s also because they haven’t been begging. When they have been fed, they’re their usual crazy selves who go nuts for food. I’m constantly paranoid about Dharma’s bloatiness so this has been a good opportunity to help him. I fasted them for a day, fed them peas the next and frozen daphnia the day after. I don’t want to have to isolate Dharma but I think I may have to, if only to fast him for a few days. Perhaps some shallow water will do him good too.He’s already had an Epsom salt bath this week but another may be in order. So might some more peas!

Water changes, the Python and the DIY Python

Water changes are an important part of keeping goldfish.You wouldn’t fancy living in your own toilet and goldfish aren’t too keen either.

Goldfish not only poop an awful lot but also produce a lot of ammonia. This ammonia is toxic to fish which is why cycling your tank before adding your fish is so important. However, beneficial bacteria turn this ammonia into nitrite. While still toxic to fish it is slightly less toxic than ammonia. Yet more beneficial bacteria turn this nitrite into nitrate. Again, it is less toxic to fish than nitrite or ammonia.

The nitrogen cycle looks a little like this:

Nitrates are quite good for your live plants and act as a sort of fertiliser. They still need to be removed, however, as too much is harmful to your fish. This is where water changes come in. There is no beneficial bacteria to get rid of nitrates so this is something that needs to be done by the the fish owner.

I’m the first to admit that these water changes can be very inconvenient. Carrying buckets of water to and from the tank can be awfully hard work, especially if you have a large tank (and you should!). It only gets worse when there are stairs between your tank and a clean water source but there are way to make it significantly easier.

Inevitably, at some point, you will need a bucket. This bucket should NEVER have any chemicals in it which aren’t fish safe. If you’ve used it for cleaning your car or mopping the floor, for example, you should keep it for that purpose and buy a new bucket for your fish.

One potentially important piece of kit is a gravel siphon. It creates a vacuum either by moving the pump up and down in the tank, or using a pump action. It sucks up water and poop. Sometimes, however, if you get a really powerful one, it will also suck up gravel. If you’re taking gravel out of your tank (gradually, but never all at once!), this can be a really helpful thing. Otherwise, it is a pain in the butt! It is incredibly helpful for removing poop from substrate and moving small amounts of water into buckets but larger water changes can be tricky.

Some fish keepers swear by their Pythons. These are not living creatures but are a clever means of emptying the water from your tank and replacing it with clean water. They are, however, quite pricey. A 25ft (approximately 7.5 meter) Python is £40.95  on Amazon. This wasn’t long enough to meet my needs and I couldn’t afford a longer one anyway. 

The Python works on the venturi effect. It connects to the tap and, in theory, as water from the tap flows through it, it creates a vacuum which sucks out the water in the tank.

(Big thanks to whomever made that image. I would link it but it is coming up with a dodgy webpage!)

You then turn the dial to put water back in the tank.

I tried a DIY python but, for love nor money, I could not get that thing to work! I bought the T-pump part (pictured above) on Ebay for less than £10, hose fittings from Homebase for less than £5, and a garden hose for less than £15. Sure, it came to around the same price as a Python but I’m glad I didn’t waste my money on something that wouldn’t work! My full review of the Python is here.

In no small part, this was because I live in a third floor flat (fourth if you consider the ‘ground floor’ the ‘first floor’) and my bedroom is on the fourth floor, upstairs from the kitchen and bathroom. The water pressure just wasn’t strong enough to create the venturi effect. There was enough pressure to put water back in, but not to suck it out. Another disadvantage is that you have to use water to remove water. This is really wasteful so if you’re keen on saving water and being kind of the environment, this may not be for you.

Actually, the ‘T-pump’ section is something used for water beds. Using a version allegedly for this purpose and not branded as a ‘Python’ might save a little money too!

It was suggested to me that a pond pump might help. This was another £7 but it has saved so much hassle! It has a motor which sucks water from the tank into the pump and out into the garden hose and down to the sink. I then attach the hose to the tap using the hose fittings I originally bought, check the water temperature is right, add Seachem Prime or Safe to my tank, turn on the tap, and the task is done. My full instructions for a DIY Python are here

It took a little getting used to. I can’t say I didn’t get a little wet the first (second, or third) time I tried to use these tools without any help. I still have to run up and down the stairs a few times, but it is SO much simpler and easier than using buckets! I still take a bucket of water out of the tank first with which to rinse out my filter media. Rinsing it in tap water would add chlorine and chloramine to the filter which would kill all of that beneficial bacteria.

In order to avoid getting wet, I have a specific order in which I do things:

1. Attach hose to tap and take the other end of the hose upstairs to the tank.
2. Attach the other end of the hose to the pond pump inside the tank.
3. Empty some tank water into the ‘fish bucket’ using the gravel siphon to remove any excess detritus from the bottom of the tank.
4. Rinse out filter media in bucket of water and put back in the tank.
5. Go downstairs, remove the hose from the tap and ensure it is well placed to allow water to flow down the drain.
6. Go back upstairs and plug in the pond pump.
7. Drain about 80% of the water (I do large changes!)
8. Remove hose from pond pump, place finger over hose to keep the vacuum and put in the ‘fish bucket’ to drain the water from there.
9. Wiggle the hose to ensure the vacuum effect has dissipated.
10. Reattach hose to pond pump.
11. Add correct dose of Seachem Prime.
12. Go downstairs, ensure the water coming from the tap is the same temperature as in the tank.
13. Attach hose to tap and turn on the water.
14. Keep an eye on the tank so it doesn’t overfill.
15. Turn off the tap downstairs and place the end of the hose over the drain to allow excess water to drain off.
16. Remove the other end of the hose from the tank (a degree of vacuum will be there again so be quick!)
17. Keep the end of the hose which was in the tank upright and allow the water to drain DOWN to the drain – doing this in any other way will result in getting very wet!

I do this largely because my pond pump has suction cups on the bottom. Not having the hose ‘rooted’ to anything means it will slip out of the tank and spray water all over me, my floor, my computer… So while it may look complicated, it is a LOT easier than getting soaking wet! Even then, I will still do water changes in my pyjamas just in case!

Just because the Python didn’t work for me, doesn’t mean it wont work for other people. I like the pond pump and garden hose method. I’ve since changed my filter which has an attachment for turning it into a water pump and, while I could use that, I’ll stick with what I know for a while 🙂

Goldfish poop

Goldfish poop can be one of the best ways to tell the health of your fish. My friends would tell you that I have an unnatural obsession with the poop of my goldfish but the truth is that I’m just concerned for their well-being. On several occasions, I have dubbed myself the ‘Gillian McKeith of goldfish poop’ because of this alleged obsession.

There was a TV show here in the UK in the early 2000’s called You are what you eat (presented by said Gillian McKeith) and never has a truer word been spoken. My diet is very student-y but my goldfish have a healthy and varied diet to ensure they poop. Even then, we still have some issues.

(Above is an image of Gillian McKeith!)

Dharma has always worried me in terms of his constipation. Recently, with the change of filter (oddly), he seems to be much more inclined to poop. Zhi-Zhi is also pooping an awful lot but there are lots and lots of air bubbles inside which makes me think she is constipated too. The others seem to be very healthy in their pooping – especially Lotus whom I have dubbed ‘the queen of dookie’. I don’t know how she feels about this but I intend it as a compliment.

Goldfish poop should look exactly like the food they have ingested and should sink. If they have been eating veggies or live plants, the poop will be green. If they have been eating pellets, it should be the colour of the pellets. If they have been eating frozen daphnia, it will look a little paler than normal. If they have been eating frozen blood worm, it will look like they’re pooping blood worms – which looks horrendous!

Anything else should be a cause for concern.

A couple of really helpful links are here:

http://www.kokosgoldfish.com/GoldfishPoop.html

http://www.puregoldfish.com/40-disease-symptoms/

If in doubt, try a big old water change. I’m convinced that my fish wait for me to do a big water change before emptying themselves! It’s like washing your car and knowing that it will be used as target practice by the local avian community! Improving water conditions is always the first thing to do if you suspect a fish isn’t healthy. Adding something like Seachem Prime or Seachem Safe also really helps with stress. Yes, fish get stressed too! However, if you suspect constipation, swim bladder problems or dropsy, DO NOT ADD AQUARIUM SALT! While it may help stress, it will make these problems worse. Epsom salts would be a far safer option.

Try fasting and observing your fish for a few days. They will give you lots of attention as they beg for food! ‘But Mooooooom/Daaaaaad! We’re hungry!!!!!!’ will be in their eyes. Don’t be fooled! Goldfish are perpetually hungry anyway (or think they are) because they don’t have stomachs as such. They are always rooting around for some tasty morsel at the bottom of the tank and this is normal.

After a couple of days of fasting, you could try a little pea and see how they respond. Peas are great fish laxatives because they’re full of fibre. I try not to give them peas too often as I still want them to be absorbing nutrients from their food, but they make a great treat. A pea can be dropped in a little boiling water for a minute or so to defrost it and/or soften it. The outer skin of the pea is then removed and the pea can then be broken up a little (consider the size of your goldfish’s mouth) and fed to the fish. You might also consider adding a little epsom salts to the water to infuse into the pea. If you suspect a bacterial issue, you might also consider adding some freshly grated garlic to the boiling water and letting the pea infuse in that for a few moments. Garlic is an excellent natural antibacterial. It makes the tank water smell a bit bizarre, though!

I think an extra post about constipated goldfish may be in order! If there are still issues with the poop, you might consider medication but, for me, this is always a last resort.

Zhi-Zhi is quite greedy and I worry that she overeats. Her diet is varied with pellets (sinking using the syringe method mentioned elsewhere), veggies (specifically peas and leeks), frozen daphnia and frozen bloodworms. So at this point, all I can put it down to is over eating. The difficulty is that I need to put enough food in the tank for all the fish to eat, without overfeeding her. This is something I really need to work on and I am trying to think of safe ways to put her on a diet without compromising the others.

Dharma is a big fan of the marimo moss ball. Some goldfish owners worry about their fish eating the live plants but, aside from this moss ball, mine tend to leave them alone. It is typical that they’d go for the most expensive plant in the tank! For me, anything I can do to give them a varied diet and provide a little interest in the tank is always a good thing…

Holidays and pet-sitting

Holidays and leaving your fish can be a worrying time for people who love their goldfish. The truth is that it needn’t be.

Going away for a couple of days, even a week isn’t a problem. Your fish will not starve while you are gone. Their digestion is different to that of some mammals and while it may seem unkind, it can actually be beneficial to them!

A fasting day once a week is actually recommended, although you should be prepared for them to keep following you with their eyes around the tank and beg for food even more than they would normally. Fasting days or occasionally going away for a few days helps them clean out their digestive tract and helps avoid constipation. Over feeding is very problematic in general, and while I wouldn’t recommend chronically under-feeding your fish, a week or two is fine.

Less food = less poop = less ammonia in the water. The less ammonia in the tank, the less you have to worry about a build up of nasty toxins in the water while you are gone.

Over Christmas, I went home to my family for ten days, leaving my trusty housemate in charge of fish care. I had deliberately stocked up on live plants to try and combat the harmful toxins in the water (which, helpfully, are fertiliser for these plants!) and had invested in some algae wafers as treats for my fish. Ela, my housemate, was left with a typed up A4 sheet of paper, detailing the fish and how to look after them while I was away. In reality, all I asked her to do was pop an algae wafer in every three days or so just to keep them ticking over. In particular, I asked her to give them an algae wafer on Christmas Day as I felt rotten about leaving my poor fish! Yes, this makes me a bit of a sap and I’m fairly certain that my fish don’t celebrate Christmas, but it’s a day for being with one’s family.

Before I left, I did a major water change. At this point I was still using buckets to change my water. If the bucket held about 14 litres of water and my tank was 120 litres, I must have walked up and down the stairs to my bedroom at least six times to ensure the water was clean.This was before a five hour drive!

Ela is very slight and I couldn’t and wouldn’t bring myself to ask her to do water changes! Popping a little food in every few days wasn’t a big ask, but heavy water changes by bucket would have been.

Immediately on my return, I checked on the fish who were very pleased to see me and quite happy and healthy. Ela had done a fantastic job with them! I had arrived home a couple of days early because the weather was set to be very bad over the next few days. We had had substantial flooding in Yorkshire and I didn’t want to be cut off from Kent by any more flooding! With this in mind, I didn’t do a massive water change immediately upon my return because it was already so late and I was absolutely shattered from another five hour drive. Ten days with limited food wasn’t too much of an issue. Had they been fed their normal amount, I might have been more worried. Instead, I did a water change as soon as I woke up the following morning.

If I had any tips for going away on holiday for a couple of weeks they would be this:

1. Ensure that you trust whomever you leave in charge of your fish.
2. Write detailed instructions.
3. Do a large water change before you leave, and as soon as you get back.
4. Have pre-prepared amounts of food for your trusty pet-sitter to feed them. Perhaps pellets in those pill boxes which are marked by day would be helpful? Algae wafers or pre-prepared Repashy Soilent Green are also a good idea.
5. It is possible to buy automatic food dispensers but some have mixed reviews. Some will just throw food out as and when they feel like it, or not at all.
6. Seachem Prime or Seachem Safe help detoxify ammonia, nitrate and nitrite by bonding them with other elements so they are less toxic for the fish. It isn’t a long term solution to water changes, but makes the water healthier. It can be added by the pet-sitter to reduce the need for water changes until you return.

As it turned out, Ela and the goldfish really took to one another. There is now talk about moving the fish tank down into the living room so that she can enjoy them too. She had never understood my attraction to goldfish but now, having spent time with mine, is as interested in their well-being as I am.As a result of fish-sitting for me, she even wanted to get her own fish – but more on that another time.

Tashi…

WARNING: AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST IS AN IMAGE OF TASHI WHO WAS VERY POORLY AT THE TIME.

Yesterday, I did something I wouldn’t normally. I rescued a little baby fantail from a fish shop. I was only at the shop for a browse but I was quite taken with a little lionhead who I have since named Bankei (pronounced Bankei which means ‘ten thousand blessings’).

In the same tank was Tashi. He looked absolutely awful and was being picked on by all the other fish. I couldn’t stand the sight of this (I even told off one of the fish who was picking on him!) and decided immediately that I would give the little fella a chance. He kept making eye contact with me…

Some people say that we don’t choose our pets but they choose us. Tashi chose me.

In another unusual act, I negotiated on the price. ‘I’m going to be cheeky here but are you going to treat the little guy or can I get a discount, please?’ worked quite well. I was polite, chatty and grateful for all the shop assistants did – including their recommendations as to how to help him. The discount was dramatic – he was only 51p!

Back at home, I set up Tashi and Bankei in my old 20 litre tank with some filter media from my established tank. This may sound like too little but both were only an inch long, the plastic allowed me to keep an eye on them and it was the least powerful filter I had on hand. Even then, the current was too much for Tashi. He just didn’t have the energy to swim against it. I hindered the flow with more filter sponge tied to the outlet but even then the poor thing was listing on one side and floating at the top. He couldn’t use his right pectoral fin, was covered in red blotches (possibly indicating septicaemia), was breathing heavily and looked utterly miserable.

Their tank had Seachem Prime, a little aquarium salt and some medicine sold to me by the salesman at the shop.

I tried to feed him a pellet but he wasn’t interested. Bankei enjoyed it. I tried him with a flake but he just couldn’t manage it. Bankei enjoyed that in the end too. I let him rest in the darkened room for a little while and later tried some defrosted blood worm. I held them close to him with a pair of tweezers and while he initially put one or two in his mouth, he just spat them out. A goldfish with no appetite is not a healthy fish. One that lets you hold them so you can put food near them really isn’t!

I named him Tashi because it means ‘lucky’ or ‘auspicious’. If he made it, he would be lucky. If he didn’t, as least he died with a truly auspicious name.

I knew that if he made it through the night it would be a miracle but I hadn’t given up hope yet. I told Tashi that he was in a safe place and he was loved. This would be the case until the end of his life, whenever that might be. ‘You are safe and you are loved. You are safe and you are loved’ interspersed with ‘I believe in you’.

After a restless night’s sleep for me, Tashi passed on between the hours of 4am and 6.30am. He did his best – we both did – but the poor thing was so ill that it was probably inevitable. Closer inspection revealed a brownish mark near his broken right pectoral fin which was probably the cause of his death.

I can’t be too sad about Tashi. He died in a place of safety and of love. I wish I knew what his personality would have been, though.

Even knowing a little fish for so little time has revealed a lot to me. He was a brave little thing and I didn’t realise how quickly I could love a fish in my care. It’s true when I say that I loved him. I didn’t want him to die but I didn’t want him to suffer either. I cried for his suffering, not for his death. His suffering is over and he was a truly remarkable teacher. I learned from him my own capacity to love and hope. He was never a ‘lost cause’, but a soul in need of love and hope. He needed a friend and I was able to be that friend. As brief as it was, I am grateful to have had the opportunity to meet him.